LIKE I'M GONNA READ ALL THAT.
Michael Hurst
@Hamalo
Age 30, Male
Slinging Tacos
Path of Least Resistence
Joined on 4/18/07
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Comments
If you did, i bet youd think it was good, but since your too lazy..I guess you'll never know what happens to newgrounds...
dude sweet, but who was the main character?
Me =)
That's a good story. I liked how you wrote NG as real life. Good job
It's ok, I suppose. If you want to be a writer, I'd work more on realistic dialogue, and pretty much basic literary structure. There are some definite ideas with potential in there, but the climax was pretty trite, and the ending was anticlimactic. Too much of it is redundant or unnecessary.
And contrary to what SummonPrettyPeace says, run-on sentences are not good, unless they're used right. And using them the entire time is not using them right. Try adding variety to your sentences by making some shorter and others longer--length is the best thing to vary.
Variety, variety, variety. And practice, but screw practice, I say.
Did you not read the message before the story began?
It said that I had wrote this a while ago, it didnt nessicarly say that it would be bad because of that, but it i did, i've gotten better (i think).
And whats wrong with fiction? you said that i should work on more realistic dialogue but, its fiction, its not supposed to be real.
Too much of it was unnecessary? If i only wrote the things that were nessicarly, this would be one or 2 chapters, if you read a real book, not everything that happens in the book is nessicary is it?
TL;DR. LOL.
For you and Ultimate7777, I didn't really say I liked the run-ons; they're just an interesting effect. I write fiction too, and I rarely use that. In fact I rarely use fragments in my writing too, except on the internet sometimes, like in comments like these.
And practice drawing so you can do a flash. And if it's good I'll vote 5; then I can get a cookie!
You must have got an A+ in writting class.
After all it's good.
Haha, no not really, this is just a fiction i based off another guys story, I changed ALOT but he gave the idea and this is basically based off of that
And no I don't have an A+, last year i had B's for the first 2 semester, and an A- for the last one :p
That was really good. You've GOT to write more.
I started writing a sequel before the thread got locked, it was only 2 chapters though, and the chapters were hard to write and didnt flow well, I could try I guess.
But I just posted this one, So i think im gonna wait a while
Really good story. Can I use it for a report? :D
Ummm as long as you give me credit =)
lol, like your teacher would really accept something about some site on the internet :p
I think I was that last noob
OMG...I'm so sorry, but I had to kill you to save Newgrounds, you understand right?
and wait, aren't you dead?
NG-Unit... Hmm. Seem's like a dedicated name that you need to live up to. I can help. What do you say to joining my little legion? All you have to do is post on a bulletin what you think is most important in animation, and what is your own drive to survive in this vast land of the internet.
Btw, amazing story. Couldn't stop reading.
Nice. Really nice. but I don't get it...How do noobs have such awesome weaponry? If you make a sequel, make it so that everyone uses thier level icon as a weapon. That way It'll be the opposite: the flash side will have better weaponry, but the noobs have like 5 times more people. Oh, and make Teddy thier leader.(If you never read reviews,people leave reviews saying they are Teddy, and if you don't send the message to 12 people, Teddy says He'll kill you, put you into a coma, give you the fright of your life,etc.)
Nice story!
I read all of it and I liked it all the way.
Lol nice job on that!
Awesome story! But, I have a question. Did they have special cars and did they have animals like birds and did they have plants and trees? good job with that story!
That's really funny, because I've always thought of Newgrounds as a kind of crowded street, with thousands of people bustling about, talking, laughing, murdering each other, and a lot of artists and stuff with stalls and shops on the side of the road trying to sell their music and flash.
Yeah, I kind of agree with that. When I wrote this story I kind of had a different view on Newgrounds. If I ever write a sequel to this (which I've kinda been thinking about) it'll probably be different than what this story shows/tells.
What was the old account?
Noobish-Pineapple.newgrounds.com
Pineapples are PILFs. I don't think I'll be able to use a salted tator tot reference again. :(
Hah why not?
SummonPrettyPeace
Ah, interesting story. I never thought of Newgrounds as a city before, but I like it. You have an interesting writing style, with all the run-on sentences; I guess it makes it feel more flowy and fast-paced. And you're right that noobs are gaining power in our society. I also would have liked it if the Clock Crew, Glock Group, and Lock Legion were exclusive nightclubs. That would have been funny.
You should do a flash of this!
Hamalo
Haha, thanks, like i said this is a story i wrote a long time ago on my 06 user, and it was originally a BBS thread, but it got locked cuz stories weren't aloud, and yeah i got suggestions from other people to make it into a flash, unfortunatly, I can't draw worth crap, so that might not work too well.
And I guess the reason with the run on sentances is that it was like the first real story I wrote, so I really didnt re-read it or anything and i was a noob at writing. But you like it like that? Well i guess it does make for a faster paced story, but thanks for the comment =)